you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
