Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
