Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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