It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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