They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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