I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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