I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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