sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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