He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
