Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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