two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
