I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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