I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She bit a glass in half.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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