What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
