Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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