This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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