I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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