My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
