im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
