cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
