woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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