you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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