Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
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You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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