I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize