i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
