dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
