my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
