But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
