hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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