Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
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You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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