I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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