I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
