My pussy is not your playground.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
