omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
