I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
