i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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