There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Dicks are not precious.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
