the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
