i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
