dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
