If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
