I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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