there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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