I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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