I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize