Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
