There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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