So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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