Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
