Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
