Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
