chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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