dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My dick has a subreddit
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
