Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
