Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Sponge bath it is.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
