I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
