You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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