I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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