Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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