Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
