Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
